As an American living in the Philippines for close to four years, I have found myself dealing with Filipino culture on a daily basis. Often I was not aware that I was dealing with the culture of the Philippines.
In the beginning months, I only thought in Western ways. This created a lot of misunderstandings. After four years, I am far from knowing it all but I have gained some insights and I will share some of them with you today. Specifically, I will introduce you to respect within the culture of the Philippines.
Within any population of people there will be deviations from the center. In my observations no individual fits into a nice little peg hole that everyone else fits into. There are common traits though within Filipino culture that I can share with you.
First and foremost in Filipino culture is respect. I refer to respect as the "prime directive in Filipino behavior." Nearly everything else that happens in Filipino culture is based upon respect. Many people miss this as being central to the Philippines. The Philippines is sometimes called the land of smiles but I think of the Philippines as the land of respect.
The first time I visited my girlfriend's family home, I noticed that the younger member of the family would take the hand of the older Filipino and place the back of their hand to their own forehead. This is known as mano po. I had no idea what was happening. Later, I asked my girlfriend what was going on and she explained it is a way we great each other. "It shows respect" she explained.
We have not been back for a visit but when I return, I will give her father mano po. It is perfectly okay for a non-family member to do this. I have done it to elderly people I come across on the streets of the Philippines. If you do this to your girlfriend's family, you will make a huge first impression and it will be positive. You yourself well gain respect because you have given it. As a Westerner that shows an interest in the culture of the Philippines you will set yourself apart from the pack. When her family respect you, they will treat you even better than they normally do.
I live in a small town in the Philippines. I live on the edge of the jungle I have had children that I do not know ask for my hand as I walk down a road..
Mano po might be a slowly dying tradition. It is less practiced in the large cities than it is out in the provinces of the Philippines.
Another way that respect is often shown in the culture of the Philippines is through language. Many words are used to show respect. The word "kuya" means big brother. However, the word is also used to refer to a male Filipino. The male Filipino or pinoy will usually be older than the speaker. I often hear my girlfriend start her conversations with the word kuya and sometimes she'll do this even when talking with her own children. The word "ate" is used in the same when referring to women of the Philippines or Filipina.
My girlfriend often refers to me as "Sir." Many foreigners living in the Philippines have trouble getting use to their significant others doing this. This is how Filipino talk. The word "po" is added to many phrases to show respect. Salamat means "thank you" and the proper way to say it is "salamat po."
When a Filipino returns home from a trip, even a short trip it is customary to return with gifts. They don't have to be significant but failure to bring any gift is an insult as it shows a lack of respect. I did not understand this at all when my girl and I went to visit her family for the first time. She told me she had to take gifts. She didn't understand that I did not know this breach of respect would be unacceptable to her family. This type of gift even has a word that it is referred to by. This gift is called "pasalubong."
Even in disputes, most of the time the conversation stays polite and there is usually no arguing. The positions are stated and that is the end of it usually. Of course, there are some big exceptions to that. Especially when alcohol is involved, the disputes can turn into an unfriendly mess in no time at all.
When a pretty Filipina catches your eye and you would like to get to know her better you can't approach her the same way you might approach a Western woman. The first thing you must do is establish respect. Keep the conversation light and never use the word "Flirt" with a Filipina that you do not know extremely well. The word has negative connotations rather than the playful way flirting is carried out in the USA. I upset quite a few Filipina while behaving the same I would in the USA. This is not the USA, keep it light and establish respect.
I often ask Filipina what kinds of things they like to do. You may have to follow that up with suggestions because sometimes they think you're talking about intimate situations and you cannot do that in the early going. In the beginning, I would ask "What do you like to do for fun." When Filipina hear that word, the often think you are a player looking for some intimate fun. In their respectful way, you might hear "No malice intended." What they really mean is they were not implying anything of a sexual nature. You do not want to hear those words. If you do, you need to make it more clear what you were talking about without actually discussing the subject of sex at all.
In order to accomplish this, I would then tell them, "No, I mean I like photography. Do you like photography?" Once you've laid the ground work, that is, once you've established respect, talk about a beach resort. Tell them of your favorite resort or ask if they could recommend a nice resort. This can open a lot of doors for you. I'll let you discover those doors on your own.
If you're thinking of moving to the Philippines, being aware of the difference can help makes things go smoother for you once you are here. Myself, I came to the Philippines nearly devoid of information. I tossed all caution to the wind and set out to explore and find out where this adventure would take me. I also spent a lot of time being confused about the reactions of Filipino.
The difference in my culture and that of the Philippines is vast, I had no idea just how different it was and only after a few months did I begin to understand. Once I did begin to understand, I learned to not make a judgment so quickly. What may seem odd to you could be very normal in Filipino culture and an action or word could even have different meanings. In almost every case, this central concept of respect will be at the core of other Filipino traditions and culture.
Rusty loves living in the Philippines and often says "I'm having the time of my life."
He has written volumes on his observations about Filipino Culture at his website and a wide range of topis regarding living in the Philippines. If you'd like to learn more, please visit http://cebuexperience.com/living-in-the-philippines/filipino-culture/filipino-culture-2/"
